Mike’s Personal Blog

Ahhh….. I honestly don’t feel like saying anything nor do I feel like typing but here I am allowing my fingers to work on their own as if they have their own little brains. I think the feeling of being spontaneous is relaxing and it allows me to relieve myself of all the pressures of life that we humans are regularly bombarded with. Sometimes, doing things the ‘abnormal’ way is great and in my case I think that doing things this way is a lot lot lot lot lot better than what our species is used to doing.

But how do we do things? Well, as I see it, it’s as if that we are working along Newton’s third law of motion which states that “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Because of this, I don’t think there is such a thing as a “win-win” situation. Why? Because somebody has to lose. For every winner, there is at least one loser. And if their are ties, there will always be a tie-breaker.

We are all bound by certain laws in our life. Do this… Do not to that… and so on. These rules are so important to us that if we violate them, we suddenly feel as if we are the most evil person in this world. Is life really meant to be like this? To be filled with soooo many rules that we can no longer act freely in a free world? I think not. I think we were meant to be really free and so I do what I want to do not because the rules say so but because I just feel like doing it. My wife often scolds me when I absent-mindedly pick my nose in front of other people but what the heck? I’ll pick my nose where and when I want to. I’ll sing when I want to sing. I’ll dance when I want to dance even if I don’t really dance at all. I’ll sleep when I want to sleep and I’ll work when I want to work.

Ok, I think my fingers’ little brains are so overwhelmed and tired now that they can no longer type anything. So I have to rest but before I do so, I have one thing to tell you — BE FREE!

Here are some stupid questions for you to think about.  The answers to some of them are obvious and yet most are plain funny.

1. If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
2. If a cat always lands on its feet and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
3. If you take a shower, where do you put it?
4. Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
5. Why does an alarm clock ‘go off’ when it begins ringing?
6. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
7. Do cows have calf muscles?
8. Why is it so hard to remember how to spell ‘mnemonic’?
9. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
10. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
11. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
12. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
13. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
14. Why are boxing rings square?
15. Why is it called pineapple, when’s there neither pine nor apple in it?
16. Why is it called eggplant when it doesn’t have egg in it?
17. On the periodic table, why do some elements have symbols with letters that aren’t even in the word?
18. Where does the white go when the snow melts?
19. How can you hear yourself think?
20. How can someone ‘draw a blank’?
21. If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
22. Why did Superman wear his underpants on the outside of his tights?
23. Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
24. If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn’t you see through everything and actually see nothing?
25. If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
26. If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would u be walking faster than the speed of sound?
27. What does OK actually mean?
28. If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
29. Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
30. If someone can’t see, they’re blind and if someone can’t hear, they’re deaf, so what do you call people who can’t smell?
31. Do cows drink milk?
32. If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December 31st – January 1st, which year would you say you were born in?
33. Do people with big eyes see at a wider range than people with smaller eyes?
34. If a criminal turns himself in shouldn’t he get the reward money?
35. What would happen if everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
36. Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
37. Why is it you’re ‘in’ a film, but you’re ‘on TV’?
38. Do ducks sneeze?
39. What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?
40. Why can’t we sneeze with our eyes open?
41. Why are there dents in a golf ball?
42. Which way does a compass point in space?
43. Can bald men get lice?
44. What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon?
45. Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7lbs yet the mum weighs 30lbs more?
46. If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
47. Can someone give up lent for lent?
48. What did cured ham actually have?
49. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
50. Can you write in pencil on an eraser?
51. Can crop circles be square?
52. If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
53. Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?
54. Do stairs go up or down?
55. Can you make a candle out of earwax?
56. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (This is my personal favorite)
57. Can you get cornered in a round room?
58. Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends?
59. If heat rises then shouldn’t hell be cold?
60. Why can’t you get a tan on your palms?
61. Why is a square meal served on round plates?
62. If I post stupid questions on this website, wouldn’t that make me stupid?
63. If you think about these questions, wouldn’t that make me you stupid too?

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window.  Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them.
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in reception

If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least…

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management!

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. What is your problem?”

Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.  My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is!  I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal’s office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6  x  6?”

Boy: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.  The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I  think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.  Can I ask him?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

Boy: “Pockets.”

Ms Neelam: What starts with  a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam:  What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on  three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.  I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip  penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy:  Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand!

Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man  gives it to his wife after they’re  married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy. to College, I got the last ten questions wrong  myself!”

Here are some funny comic strips that I want to share with you.

The Italian Job

Lion King

The Sheep and the Wolf

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

When you please your boss, you’re apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

No, it’s not an alien being or something like that.  I just feel weird during the past few weeks.  Is it stress?  Is it boredom?  I can’t tell.  I just don’t feel right and I want to get this ‘creeping thing’ out of me so I can get back to my normal life.

No, it’s not an alien being or something like that.  I just feel weird during the past few weeks.  Is it stress?  Is it boredom?  I can’t tell.  I just don’t feel right and I want to get this ‘creeping thing’ out of me so I can get back to my normal life.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man Opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to The driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.  The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for Himself.

The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are Comin’ And I grinned.”

“Then she moved and! Sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will Reduce the swelling’, and I had to smile. “Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.”

“BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign That said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident’… I just lost it.”

“CASE DISMISSED!!”

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!